After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target.

Dear Mrs. Samuel,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr.

Samuel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were...

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!

And last, but not least...

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'

One of the clerks passed out.

Hey Larry....Nice to see you in here!!!

Those are funny....I need to remember some of them next time I get conned into "shopping"....which is VERY rare indeed!!!
"Women go shopping....Men go Buying"....big difference!!
JYJ

AMEN!!!

John,
I always subscribed to that concept about women shopping/men buying...until I went into a Bass Pro Store. I have to admit...I find myself just wandering the aisles...looking at all the goodies...often with no specific buying "target"...just "shopping"...!!
There...I said it..!!

Good point, guido4198!!!

My Dad would spend hours browsing around a good hardware store...back in the day when they had them...

I have also been known to "stroll" around BPS, Gander Mt., Dicks, or any good Bait & Tackle shop!!
Ya don't think we will lose our "Man Cards" because of that admission, do ya???
JYJ

That's not shopping, that's learning! Much of my knowledge of tools and gear comes from these "learning expeditions". Including why I needed a particular wrench or lure, and of course, how to use it!

Tadpole....Good "justification" ya got there....yeah, that's the answer!!

Hey ! nice nice nice....I like the sentence "Women go shopping....Men go Buying"....big difference!!"

John, doubt you would be strolling around. You would be talking to everyone you passed

Wow, what great ideas to add a bit of excitment to the shopping day.